


Heart Anchor

by Duetronomy



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Angst, Crying, Denial, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Requited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-26 15:26:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18285050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duetronomy/pseuds/Duetronomy
Summary: "Your wonderful but I just can't do this"





	Heart Anchor

The earth is too shaky, it feels like his hand is burning in mine, my stomach is clenching. This is suddenly all too real. Too Vulnerable. It's so easy to laugh and brush off the swell in my chest when the lights are bright and we get lost in the motion of the day but tonight it feels like time has stopped. Stopped to slap me in the face with the cold hard truth. 

The anchor in my heart drops as Arin's beautifully soft lips kiss mine so gently, hesitantly, and I feel everything he is too unwilling to say. My heart throbs so hard I could cry.

His hand heavy in mine. Comforting in a way I don't want it to be. Calming in a way it has no right to be.

I'm too tense and he feels it.

He leans away and fiddles with his fingers nervously. He won't look at me.

"Dan-"

"I'm sorry"

I get up off the couch before he can say more. There's too much going on in my mind. Too much I don't want to hear.

I don't want to hear his sweet 'I love you's it'll make me too weak.

I'm on the verge of tears and when I turn back to Arin, my heart can barely stand the look on his face. I want to hold him, kiss the awfully sad look on his face. I would never admit how much this hurts me but its all over my face as I feel the first tear burn a streak down my cheek.

"We're not stupid. We know I love you... but I can't"

I take a shaky breath. 

"Your wonderful but I can't bring myself to do this".

It felt so gross, like a liar. I can't even practice what I preach. I admire Arin and his bravery.

I hear Arin move and look up. He hesitantly wraps me in his arms and I allow up, crying lightly on his shoulder. This is so stupid.

"It's so hard. Why the fuck is it so hard? I love you" I sob in a whisper.

Arin holds me tighter.

I close my eyes and let go of the tension in my body. Focusing on the warmth of Arin's body.

I let go of him.

"I should go, Arin. Goodnight"

"Oh, yeah. Goodnight" Arin says absent mindedly.

The cold air outside hits my face as I dry my tears. I sit in my car. Lay my head on the steering wheel.

One day but not today.


End file.
